Lately I have been using so much energy trying to figure out what is wrong with Stefan. I care so much about him, but it is impossible to have any kind of relationship with him in SL. I thought it was so strange that we could be so good friends RL and then stink so much in world. My thoughts have thrown me off the rails a few times – I get very emotional – but I think I have finally come to realize that we are not meant to hang out and have fun in SL.
It was very sad to realize this, but it has also been a kind of relief. I don’t have to use my energy on that any more. I feel free in some way. Free from the emotional turmoil that he has given me. So much time wasted… But so much about Stefan and Bine in SL seem to be time wasted… So I asked him to come and join me one last time in SL, and I got him to jump on a pose-ball for me. A pose-ball called Broken Doll. I thought it would be a fitting end to Stefan & Bine, because I do feel that something has broken.
Things have been broken, and we both know it. I think it was rather big of him to come over and do this pose with me. I don’t know any other avatars that I have been fighting so much with who would do that. I do love his pixels. I think he looks so damn good, and I hope I can pervade him so come and jump on other pose-balls in future, but only time will tell. So far this marks the end of our SL adventure.
But this is not a sad post. I have my haven – my safe haven; Michaell, and Michaell was there for me yesterday.
Unfortunately Michaell and I lives on opposite sides of the world, and we don’t have much online time together. It is a real shame, because I think if we did, I wouldn’t get into so much trouble… Life is a learning curve, and Second Life only accelerates this. So really… I should know better. But for now I am happy. Happy that I can devote my love and my energy in SL to my Haven, my Love, my Partner – at least until next time when I get bored and get into trouble…